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A Brief Eulogy For My Teenage Angst

by Social Ladder

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1.
Maybe one day I'll give this all up I know I was never good enough So I've been drinking to repress these memories Because I'm not who I'm supposed to be I used to think I was the smartest kid I knew But that couldn't be any less true And I took my time, I hurried up But it still just wasn't good enough And all I ever wanted was to hear someone say "Hey, is it cool if I sit with you?" And when you spend most your time wanting to die You almost forget how to be alive But the truth is, I've lived for long enough I think I've lived for long enough Maybe it's just too late to change Because I've picked the path of self destruction In this shitty, shitty game So I guess I'll always be the same 'Cause I can't help but to hate Every fucking thing that I see Like god and his disciples Or Capitalism and the right wing So I think it's fair to say All of our lives are meaningless And I think it's fair to say That I've seen quite enough And when you spend most your time wanting to die You almost forget how to be alive But the truth is, I've lived for long enough I think I've lived for long enough
2.
I don't know what to say I just want to make this goddamn pain go away I know that you could never really love me 'Cause everyone else really hates me So I'll just drink and smoke my life away And I'll slur some more shitty poetry And as the words leave my lips I'm just so fucking lazy and I don't give a shit You're only wasting your time Because I'm only a waste Because I'm just a waste of time Because I'm just a waste of space Because I'm just a waste of skin I'm only a waste And I won't believe in a god Who won't believe in me And I'm afraid of mirrors Because I hate what I see So I traded in my motivation For this desperation 'Cause I'm nothing but a slave To liberation And I like to hurt Won't you please hurt me? Because I'm just a waste of time Because I'm just a waste of space Because I'm just a waste of skin I'm only a waste
3.
I'm chewing on my fingernails and I don't care if they bleed Because it seems to me that I am losing my fucking mind And I keep smoking crack but there's still this meaning that I lack And I keep shooting smack but you're still never coming back I talk so much shit it's no wonder I smell like it too It's amazing that anyone who's ever near me can even breathe I litter this town with my hopeless hymns and my empty bank account And my awful poetry screamed out over 3 chords And those few special moments when I wasn't so completely bored I stand before you an awful mess, pissing out my window and smoking cigarettes And when I try to go to bed, I'm kept awake by the voices in my head Karl Marx couldn't save us nor could any of his kind The police and the economy, the thought of their atrophy constantly plague my mind Infamy and poverty sung over a symphony to a crowd of starving eyes I'd like to say it helps but we'll never be free from this tainted democracy The punk band plays on but it's all only the soundtrack to our self destruction Kids used to want to be the police, now they want to beat the pigs In hopes that one day peace won't be a crime And until that day I will never be free from this apathy I feel nostalgic for the days before I was born The warmth of the womb to shelter me from this bitter air And I don't care, you're lying if you say that life doesn't make you scared I stand before you an awful mess, terrified by my apathy and nihilistic company And when I try to wake up, I'm kept asleep by my dreams of world synchrony
4.
4 AM 01:31
It's 4AM, you're sleeping and I'm crying It's 4AM, oh I'm just stuck in this state again I'm just stuck in this state again I'm just stuck in this state again Just one little spike underneath my skin There will be no more pain I'll shoot this euphoria extract Straight through my vein It's 4AM, give me back my heart and leave my mind It's 4AM, oh I just can't seem to leave you behind I just can't seem to leave you behind I just can't seem to leave you behind Just one little spike underneath my skin There will be no more pain I'll shoot this euphoria extract Straight through my vein
5.
I've lost all self control and I can feel myself just slipping away So let my mom walk in to find me Hanging from the ceiling Everything just feels so hopeless And I feel so broke and I feel so dopeless So let me dad walk in to find me Hanging from the ceiling I refuse to eat, refuse to sleep 'Cause this country's full of brainwashed sheep So let my mom walk in to find me Hanging from the ceiling You know heroin's overrated anyways 'Cause suicide's the best high these days So please let it be said that I went out With a bullet in my head I don't know what it's like to be complete When everything feels so goddamn broken So let my mom walk in to find me Hanging from the ceiling I don't even have 6 friends my mom could ask To come and carry my casket So let my dad walk in to find me Hanging from the ceiling And I want to die, I want to cry I just want to get fucking high So let my mom walk in to find me Hanging from the ceiling You know heroin's overrated anyways 'Cause suicide's the best high these days So please let it be said that I went out With a bullet in my head So let them all walk in to find me Hanging from the ceiling
6.
Apocalyptic tragedy Up my nasal cavity And who needs friends When you're the fucking Prince Cobra Down another bottle and Start to cry a little Because malt liquor tastes Better when you have problems And I'm puking in the bathroom Bitching about how lonely I am But it's okay because Hopefully I'll forget it the next day And when I'm dead I know You'll all remember what a Worthless, pathetic loser I am 'Cause my life was spent in the back of a cruiser And I'll just be another junkie Buried with his guitar picks 'Cause I bitched too much Every dope sick morning of No one left to rob And nothing else to steal And I'm sobbing in the next room Drinking myself to death But it's okay because Hopefully I'll forget it the next day
7.
Well the future is terrifying And it always plagues my mind Wondering where I'm gonna be in 10 years time Will I be an alcoholic who gets buried Or will I have kids and get married Who knows what's gonna happen by next year So I guess I'll have to play it all by ear I'm a faggot, I'm a loser I'm a hopeless drunken abuser I'm drowned in self pity And I treat my friends so shitty Every time I close my eyes I can't help but to despise The person I am compared to The people you are You have friends and a future, A girlfriend and a home and All my life is, is a series of sutures I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I hope you'll forgive me You're my slash, gash, terror crew I'm so sorry for what I put you through
8.
Yeah, I don't know how long I can go on like this And I don't know if I really care Well I try my best to make friends But people just laugh and stare And the words, they don't come out, I must be out of breath I guess I can blame it on all the cigarettes So I sing songs about who I am and who I want to be Like art could save a wretch like me And there's these parties, but they have people And you're so pretty, but I'm so awkward And I don't want to cry, I just want to die Can't we just sit around and get high Well life is pain, life is hurt I try to find comfort in pretty words And in every shitty song I've ever written And in every toilet that I ever threw up in Lately I've been walking around with my head down There must be something fascinating on the ground Or maybe I'm just afraid to look the world in the eye Because I know I'm not going to like what I find And there's these parties, but they have people And you're so pretty, but I'm so awkward Please just put a gun to my head Fuck this shit, I'd rather be dead
9.
I'd give up all of my acquisitions Just to see your face again This compilation of hello's and goodbye's Is slowly tearing me to pieces It's the rain cloud's sad lament And the mistake that I don't regret It's the eloquence in your eyes And the truth behind your lies You know I try to understand over being understood But you'd always make me happy when nothing else could I know you try to understand over being understood But I'd always make you happy when nothing else could It's not just another movie with another shitty ended 'Cause I'm not gonna wait for rain to kiss you These past few weeks I've been a hopeless, drunken mess With nothing to do but miss you I'm trying hard not to look like I'm trying too hard But now I'm just drunk as fuck You know I can't walk, but I can sing These songs are a requiem of when there was you Now a cornucopia of opiates is flooding my head Without you here I think I'd rather be dead I'm praying to a god that I don't believe in He's absent, he said "Kid, you're on your own." He said "Kid, you're on your own." You know I try to understand over being understood But you'd always make me happy when nothing else could I know you try to understand over being understood But I'd always make you happy when nothing else could

about

This album is a collection of songs I wrote between the ages of 15 and 18. Which is how I came up with the name of my album, "A Brief Eulogy For My Teenage Angst." It is awful.

credits

released June 4, 2015

Big thanks to my good friend Alex Nelson for drawing the cover art. You can see more of his artwork at
www.anartwork.weebly.com

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Social Ladder Columbus, Ohio

I'm a socially awkward kid who plays the guitar awfully from Columbus, Ohio.

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